In and Out of Grasp

I don't know why I like him so much. I mean, honestly, I don't even know what makes him different from everyone I know. He's funny, sure, as many people I know are. He's cute, yes, but I have a lot of guy friends and some even better looking. Is it because he's from my rival school? But I've dated a person from my rival school so that's not it.

I don't know, he's just there. He has that...ability? He can make me tell him things I'd never tell anyone. He can make me trust him so easily. I just don't understand. Why does he mean so much to me if he hasn't even been in my life for more than a month?

I trust easily, I know that much but what about his best friend? I met him around the same time but I've known him longer. I can't tell that guy anything yet when it comes to M.B., he doesn't even have to say anything, I'll spill it all to him.

Maybe it's how he never judges me. Maybe it's because when I told him something that would make people walk away, he stayed saying that he didn't care. I just don't get it. Why did he stay? Why did I let him?

I have two facades. The first one people see is the one where I am a complete bitch. I tend to trust easily so I guess I just don't want people to get too close. The second one is where I am the happy me, I just lie about the way I feel by being hyper and random. Well, he never even saw the bitch part of me. From the start, I was nice to him. And the second part, he did see but he got through that too. I act hyper and crazy when I'm in public but when its me talking to him, I don't know, I just tell him the truth because I feel like he is the only one who will understand. The funny part is, I feel like I trust him more than my best friend whom I've known since third grade.

People keep telling me to ask him out and get with him already but I don't think I'll ever tell him that I like him. It's not about getting rejected or him breaking my heart, it's about losing him. I don't want to lose him. I want him to stay with me forever, even if that means wanting and wishing for something I can't have. But that's life right? You can't get everything you want, even if you are probably just one question away from having it.