I won't beat around the bush, I'm just going to say it without any candy coating. I am shallow. I am probably the most shallow person in California. I, like every other girl on this planet, have a dream guy. This dream guy is probably why I haven't had my first boyfriend yet. Hell, my first kiss.
That is all my fault. You see, I have been asked out before but I have never said yes. You want to know why? I don't think they are good enough. None of them are even close to my dream guy so I just turn them down the second they ask the question.
Maybe it's fate. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be but I don't like being blinded. What if Mr. Right comes along and I turn him down because I don't think he's perfect? That's the bad thing. I will never know when he comes along because I'm too hung up on a guy who doesn't even exist.
You want some advice? I'll give it to you. Don't let Mr. Right control your life. Take a good look at the guy asking you out. Make the right choice, even if he isn't Mr. Right. You never know. He might just become perfect in your eyes.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Confessions of a Black Sheep
I get straight A's, play a sport, and am the perfect model student in the eyes of my teachers. I am what everyone calls a nerd. The funny thing is, I am the furthest thing from a nerd. I get good grades and I'm known for being a goody two shoes (when I get in trouble people go easy on me since I have great grades) yet I crave something.
I crave attention. It's the one thing I want the most. I might sound like those wannabes who crave popularity but I'm not. I am the black sheep. I am the invisible character that nobody cares about in all those romance novels. I'm the girl who tries her best to get the attention of my parents. Yep, I want my parents' attention.
You might think that I have it, what with the perfect school record but that's far from it. In my entire life, I have never felt like I was #1 in my parents' eyes. Not for a second. There is always somebody better.
I want to go to NYU, (insert child of family friend here) wants to become a nurse. Has his/her life all planned out. I joined my school's badminton team, (cue mother's voice) "Why not do track like your brother?" I could state all of my accomplishments but there is always someone who does better.
You wanna know something else ironic? Even when I am the one doing better, I'm not good enough. I get only one B while the rest are A's and I get yelled at. They get C's yet I have to look up to them. I don't understand. Why am I invisible? At school, people envy my 'perfection', out of it, I envy their limelight.
Since May 11th, 1994, my parents have rambled on about the great accomplishments of their friends' children, my cousins, and my brother. I am always being compared to a person who I am nothing like and said person always beats me. I remember my first badminton game, my parents couldn't come but after it, I wanted to tell them that we lost. I tried to tell my mom but she ended up not knowing. She was too busy talking to my brother.
I sound so stupid, so immature. I want so much to be accepted by the people who gave me life but I know I probably never will be. I want them to let me be in the limelight for once but I know that spot will always be reserved for someone else. Out of all the things I want in life, this is the most important to me and it's also the thing I know I probably will never have. You can't buy your parents approval or give everything you have for it because it's something you can't force. Trust me, I've tried for fifteen years but here I am writing about one of my dreams. But why keep dreaming when I know that would only lead to false hope.
I crave attention. It's the one thing I want the most. I might sound like those wannabes who crave popularity but I'm not. I am the black sheep. I am the invisible character that nobody cares about in all those romance novels. I'm the girl who tries her best to get the attention of my parents. Yep, I want my parents' attention.
You might think that I have it, what with the perfect school record but that's far from it. In my entire life, I have never felt like I was #1 in my parents' eyes. Not for a second. There is always somebody better.
I want to go to NYU, (insert child of family friend here) wants to become a nurse. Has his/her life all planned out. I joined my school's badminton team, (cue mother's voice) "Why not do track like your brother?" I could state all of my accomplishments but there is always someone who does better.
You wanna know something else ironic? Even when I am the one doing better, I'm not good enough. I get only one B while the rest are A's and I get yelled at. They get C's yet I have to look up to them. I don't understand. Why am I invisible? At school, people envy my 'perfection', out of it, I envy their limelight.
Since May 11th, 1994, my parents have rambled on about the great accomplishments of their friends' children, my cousins, and my brother. I am always being compared to a person who I am nothing like and said person always beats me. I remember my first badminton game, my parents couldn't come but after it, I wanted to tell them that we lost. I tried to tell my mom but she ended up not knowing. She was too busy talking to my brother.
I sound so stupid, so immature. I want so much to be accepted by the people who gave me life but I know I probably never will be. I want them to let me be in the limelight for once but I know that spot will always be reserved for someone else. Out of all the things I want in life, this is the most important to me and it's also the thing I know I probably will never have. You can't buy your parents approval or give everything you have for it because it's something you can't force. Trust me, I've tried for fifteen years but here I am writing about one of my dreams. But why keep dreaming when I know that would only lead to false hope.
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